… at the Intergalactic Driving School on the plains of Chocolatum. Have the instructors at the Hazduke Racing School given you your walking papers? The pilots from the Snoop-Baronian Academy shot down your hopes? Even the intrepid adventurers of The Temple of Doomnation turned you away? Not to worry. The Intergalactic Driving School (Head-Heart-Hope-In-Transportation), otherwise known as IDSHHHIT, is pleased to offer you the least exciting, most soothing, totally risk-free drivers’ education experience in the known galaxies.
All drivers who study with IDSHHHIT are guaranteed to pass. (They do not guarantee what you will pass, only that you will pass something). Each student driver is assigned a highly competent, expert instructor who hovers nearby, calmly guiding every move. The instructor may even, occasionally, gently pat a shoulder or forearm to remind students of a critical point. Even the most anxious students relax in the professional atmosphere of an IDSHHHIT class session.
IDSHHHIT training ships are modern, spacious, and comfortable, specifically designed to give a smooth, level ride. Seated in the capacious captain’s chair, you can feel the engine thrum far beneath you. The responsive joystick represents the very latest in driving control, allowing you to turn on the proverbial dime with just the brush of your fingertips. You will enjoy every moment of each lesson. Even the occasional mishap generally results in laughter and the chance to try again, as classes are held on the Plains of Chocolatum, where conditions are accommodating and, indeed, have a reputation for being highly forgiving.
The Plains of Chocolatum cover a wide expanse on the low-gravity planet Ganashinatum. The terrain has the consistency of what is known on Earth as “chocolate silk pie” – that is, the ground is soft and yielding. Even the soft grasses that cover the plains bend and fold at the slightest touch, leaving the haunting scent of roasted cocoa drifting through the air.
The atmosphere of Ganashinatum has been described as “thick as pea soup”. As IDSHHHIT literature points out, a dense atmosphere is excellent for muffling the conversations between students and instructors, ensuring that any unguarded remarks remain a private matter. The air seems particularly pea-soup-like over the Plains of Chocolatum, but this is likely an illusion and definitely not a result of intestinal responses to turbulence or sudden changes in altitude.
Ganashinatum is part of a complex solar system orbiting the sun Insurioso. This system has become known for its low-cost, high-return business investments. The planets and moons in this system include Collisio, a metal-based planet specializing in mechanical repairs; Superficio, a large, colorful planet with an extensive network of paint shops and dent removers; and J(unk)Y(ard)503, a tiny, far-flung moon that functions as a sort of informal drop-off point for ships beyond repair.
Intergalactic Visitors and Arrivals from Alternate Dimensions
Ganashinatum welcomes everyone equally. Intergalactic visitors are asked to register online at the Office of Intergalactic Distribution of Specie before arrival. Please include banking information and preferred form of payment. Travelers arriving from Alternate Dimensions are asked to bring currently accepted galactic credits or kindly requested to continue on their journeys.
Thank you for reading,